How far will appeasement go, and should freedom of religion apply to those who actively contribute to our possible pending destruction?
By: Rachel Molschky
The cannibal tribespeople of a distant island so far removed from the rest of the planet, the name is impossible to pronounce, have been arriving in droves to the United States, Canada, Australia and countries in the European Union. After brutal attacks from a neighboring tribe, attempting to conquer the small territory made up of a series of islands whose name can be loosely translated as “Blood Suckers Islands,” (BS for short), Western leaders are appalled.
Seeing the horrific imagery of the savage attacks from one cannibal tribe on another, Western authorities visited the BS to see for themselves. The media accompanied world leaders along with UN representatives to document the ongoing tribal war and show the world the victims of this dreadful conflict, sadly, many of them children. A pact was made between the nations, who reached the only decision possible, which was to bring over the cannibalistic victims as refugees. After all, it would be heartless to forsake them.
Before long, cannibals began arriving to Western nations. It wasn’t easy. The cannibals needed financial help, and our governments did not disappoint. New employees were hired to handle the overwhelming demand for welfare checks to the new refugees, who collected their checks but otherwise had nothing but criticism for their adopted countries. As it turned out, Westerners did “serve” a purpose, one which occurred in the temples the cannibals were able to build, complete with fire pits and specially designed pedestals for sacrifices to the gods.
These temples were perfectly legal with building permits approved by the government, along with security provided after threats were made from angry, racist, right-wing natives who mysteriously did not want to see cannibal temples in their hometowns.
The townsfolk of Christianville deep in America’s heartland were dumbfounded when the neighboring city, known affectionately by its inhabitants as “PC,” not only built a mega-temple but also hosted a parade in honor of the cannibal refugees, a new tradition which the city plans to continue on an annual basis. New commemorative days and months were also added to the calendar, in honor of our new cannibal friends, their BS culture and above all, their tremendous contribution to our nations. Still, it seems PC is not enough to make the BS happy.
Others have tried to appease them, and their rich BS culture is celebrated in many towns across the world, including artwork depicting their religious acts, plays portraying their history, told purely from the BS point of view, and even new restaurants that are popping up everywhere.
“Not in my town!” said the mayor of Christianville when the cannibal refugees began moving into his suburban town and applied for a permit to build a new temple there. “We’re taking it all the way to the Supreme Court if we have to!” exclaimed the mayor.
And that’s what he did. The Supreme Court decided in favor of the cannibals because everyone deserves freedom of religion, and to deny them their temple would be racist. Besides, who wouldn’t support the BS culture?
These temples are only one battle the cannibals have fought and won. Despite what the racist natives think, the cannibals are people too, and they have rights. These rights include their religious dietary laws.
This strict diet of the cannibals has caused confusion in the school system, where cannibal parents have complained when their children were refused human meat. Massive protests ensued, quickly turning into violent riots. Cannibals repeatedly demanded their rights, fighting with the native counter-protesters, throwing firebombs and stones, and on multiple occasions, the police quickly shuffled the counter-protesters away, even arresting some for disturbing the peace. The cannibals, however, were free to “protest.”
The racism got so bad that a few cannibals even found broccoli plastered on the front of their temples, which was completely offensive, as their religion forbids broccoli, and they are persecuted refugees, who have rights like anyone else.
Eventually after so much chaos, schools began including a cannibal diet in school lunches, but it became too confusing to get the right meals to the right students. As a result, and to appease the refugees, many who have since become citizens, the cannibal diet was given to all students. This practice spread, and soon human meat was sold in most major grocery stores because if not, it would be racist, and no one wants to be called a racist.
But who is supplying this meat? There have been odd disappearances of those who have protested against the appeasement of the cannibal refugees from the BS culture. No one can explain them, but anyway, there has been no shortage of cannibal-approved food in the school system or grocery stores.
Sadly, a select few from the cannibal group abandoned their former religion, despite receiving death threats. One woman wrote a book about her life as a cannibal, revealing the shocking news that, “their holy book is a cookbook!”
The woman appeared on CNN but was shouted down by competing commentators, two who were cannibals and two who were Western natives, and all four of them apologists for the cannibals and their BS culture. Soon, the ex-cannibal woman appeared on a website created by cannibals about crazy, loony anti-cannibals and their hateful anti-cannibal propaganda.
When a reporter asked one of the commentators about these anti-cannibal allegations, he stated that the woman is nothing more than a racist.
“A racist?” the reporter asked. “But she came from the BS culture herself!”
“Racism knows no bounds,” he retorted.
“But what about the claim that your holy book is a cookbook? We’ve had it translated, and it does appear to be a series of recipes for eating people.”
“No, no,” the apologist answered, explaining that, “Our language cannot be translated. Our holy book is beyond comprehension for Western liberals. Your translation cannot possibly be accurate, and besides, you are taking it all out of context.”
“But don’t you eat human meat?” the journalist asked.
Chuckling, the apologist told the reporter, “What we eat is a humanesque meat-like substance, which is sanctified by a cannibal priest in a process which cannot be duplicated by any Westerner and cannot be described in your language. Furthermore, we have a right to our religious practices, as we are living in a democracy where freedom of religion applies to all. If you disagree, you must be a racist.”
“The name of your holy book is ‘The Blood of Man.'”
“You as a Westerner will never be able to comprehend the meaning of that.”
“Your worshippers arrive at the temple with axes, forks and knives.”
“I’ve had enough of this interview and your racism!”
With that, the apologist stormed out.
There were more riots that followed, more disappearances, but the West was determined to continue bringing over swarms of cannibals from the BS culture. And it continues to this day. The bottom line is, the poor cannibals must be rescued, as their very existence is under attack. Racist Westerners must come to terms with the fact that cannibals from the BS culture are here to stay, and multiculturalism is our new way of life.
Disclaimer: The above article is a work of fiction, meant to illustrate a point. In anticipation of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, a little “food” humor… Any similarities to real people, places or actual events are purely coincidental. Purely.